i jhust puked up my retainher.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
