apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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