Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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