Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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