8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
