it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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