So drunk its hurt
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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