just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
