Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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