she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
