im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize