Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
