He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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