How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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