Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Randomize
