ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
