I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
