____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
