I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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