im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
