So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Can I color on your dick again?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
