I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
