your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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