First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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