he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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