She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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