So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
