DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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