Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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