then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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