i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
