we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
