LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
