I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
