We're like a lot better than the average bears
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
