My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
