My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
