i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
