I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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