theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
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My thoughts exactly.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
