you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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