I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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