my phone needs a breathalizer
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
