yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
