So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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