i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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