Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
