Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
