so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
