Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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