haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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