Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
