i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
