While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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