I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My vagina just clenched in fear
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
