Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can't turn off my feet"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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