why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
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So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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