How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
