I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
