You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
