the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
