if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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