WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The best revenge is premature balding
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
