I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
