I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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