I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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