Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
