I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
