moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
