my mouth tastes like poor choices
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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