My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
