You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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