Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
