PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
