he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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