The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
