Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I party with great urgency now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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