i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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