try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
40s are totally the cure
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
