I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
