So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
