he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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