Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
