You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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