i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
