Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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