you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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