I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
